January 11, 2007
No, not to anyone. I just like this song.
I don't feel like I did yesterday. It does feel weird but life has to go on. I feel weird, really weird. I hope I'll be fine still. Gotta be strong! Gotta find the person I used to be before all this, and if it doesn't work out, gotta pretend I'm fine. Whatever it is, I really want to get up on my two feet as fast as I can.
It's kinda frustrating sometimes to think I'd be fine, at least for the next few days but not being.You, still make my heart thump hard and fast whenever I think about you.
Maybe I'm still confused - a little, a little bit more, a lot?
Anyway, I'm finally gonna eat after 4 long days. I hope I didn't do much damage to my body apart from the fact that I feel really tired and weak now.
Lunch tomorrow will be Thai food with Jacq, jas and myself. Jacq has been msn-ing and with all other means, trying so hard just to get her message to me - that she misses and wants to eat Thai food near the place we slogged our asses off for the exams.
Today there's gonna have to be a lot of changes to do. I have to change my msn, friendster, handphone, OZ and whatever else that has that password. I'm still thinking of one, so if any of you has any suggestions, please come forward with one that's easy to type and remember. Or maybe I'll still stick to the old one and let everything stay the way it is, although it'll most probably leave me wondering what am I doing every time I type it.
Other than passwords, I don't know what else to do, but I'm sure there's plenty else of other stuff to do.
But at the end of the day there's still something, someone, some(whatever else) that still makes me smile; you, and memories of you
Maybe they'll go away soon. I don't know, I don't want to know and maybe it's better this way, to not know. (:Maybe I'm still smiling just because I still feel you around.
Of course, there's still a little bit of fear which I think will never go away, at least, not so easily.
Sometimes I wish life was just like The Sims, of course, together with it's cheat codes. I hate playing it the fair way. It's way too boring doing it the tough way. Then I can delete the characters in and out of my life so easily, and have no feeling at all too. Because they don't know the other's gone at all. Haha. No, I'm joking really. I don't want it to happen. I'm just speculating. It's definitely gonna be so lifeless and so dumb, having people control your life. But still a fun game to play nevertheless. I just don't enjoy playing games anymore, not as much as I used to. Maybe that's just because I can't stick my ass on the chair for longer than a few minutes.
Life is so unpredictable. I still see so many fortyfours everywhere I go. Weird huh?
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, but it's just too little too late. Maybe it's better to let things be for once instead of wondering what it would or could have been. I don't want any regrets, nor to hate myself ; because forgiving myself was like one the hardest things I had to do in life. Moreover, I didn't exactly know why I was angry with myself. But now, I'm done with hating myself, I'm done with regrets and I'm over and done with not forgiving myself. I'm starting to love myself, it's just the beginning. (:
I still do feel a little pent up but I really hope everything stays this way and not dwindle down amounting to nothing again. Because I've been there, done that, and never enjoyed a bit of it. (:
-nIx- @ [[10:36 AM]]
No, not to anyone. I just like this song.
I don't feel like I did yesterday. It does feel weird but life has to go on. I feel weird, really weird. I hope I'll be fine still. Gotta be strong! Gotta find the person I used to be before all this, and if it doesn't work out, gotta pretend I'm fine. Whatever it is, I really want to get up on my two feet as fast as I can.
It's kinda frustrating sometimes to think I'd be fine, at least for the next few days but not being.You, still make my heart thump hard and fast whenever I think about you.
Maybe I'm still confused - a little, a little bit more, a lot?
Anyway, I'm finally gonna eat after 4 long days. I hope I didn't do much damage to my body apart from the fact that I feel really tired and weak now.
Lunch tomorrow will be Thai food with Jacq, jas and myself. Jacq has been msn-ing and with all other means, trying so hard just to get her message to me - that she misses and wants to eat Thai food near the place we slogged our asses off for the exams.
Today there's gonna have to be a lot of changes to do. I have to change my msn, friendster, handphone, OZ and whatever else that has that password. I'm still thinking of one, so if any of you has any suggestions, please come forward with one that's easy to type and remember. Or maybe I'll still stick to the old one and let everything stay the way it is, although it'll most probably leave me wondering what am I doing every time I type it.
Other than passwords, I don't know what else to do, but I'm sure there's plenty else of other stuff to do.
But at the end of the day there's still something, someone, some(whatever else) that still makes me smile; you, and memories of you
Maybe they'll go away soon. I don't know, I don't want to know and maybe it's better this way, to not know. (:Maybe I'm still smiling just because I still feel you around.
Of course, there's still a little bit of fear which I think will never go away, at least, not so easily.
Sometimes I wish life was just like The Sims, of course, together with it's cheat codes. I hate playing it the fair way. It's way too boring doing it the tough way. Then I can delete the characters in and out of my life so easily, and have no feeling at all too. Because they don't know the other's gone at all. Haha. No, I'm joking really. I don't want it to happen. I'm just speculating. It's definitely gonna be so lifeless and so dumb, having people control your life. But still a fun game to play nevertheless. I just don't enjoy playing games anymore, not as much as I used to. Maybe that's just because I can't stick my ass on the chair for longer than a few minutes.
Life is so unpredictable. I still see so many fortyfours everywhere I go. Weird huh?
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, but it's just too little too late. Maybe it's better to let things be for once instead of wondering what it would or could have been. I don't want any regrets, nor to hate myself ; because forgiving myself was like one the hardest things I had to do in life. Moreover, I didn't exactly know why I was angry with myself. But now, I'm done with hating myself, I'm done with regrets and I'm over and done with not forgiving myself. I'm starting to love myself, it's just the beginning. (:
I still do feel a little pent up but I really hope everything stays this way and not dwindle down amounting to nothing again. Because I've been there, done that, and never enjoyed a bit of it. (:
-nIx- @ [[10:36 AM]]
